No Surprise

When my youngest sister's, Junkie Boyfriend got out of jail, she gave him a key to her new apartment, with a keychain that reads "Welcome Home."





Now that he's back in Jail, he doesn't need it anymore. Nor does he need any of the other stuff on The Table.

"Are you googling 'Stupid, Fucking Boyfriend???'"

Thanks to my generous friend Nick, this is me wearing a partially-inflated, Airline, Life Vest.






Ignoring the "OR" in the image below-





This is me OVER INFLATING an Airline Life preserver.






This is the childhood epiphany that your head is fucking stuck in the back of a chair or inside a staircase hand rail.






This is the power of Co2






And this is the death collar from the movie Saw III





So while my girlfriend and I were in a frenzy to figure out how to SAFELY remove the rigid, creaking, ice-cold, time bomb- from around my neck,
This is what I squealed (while on my knees)-

"Are you Googling 'Stupid Fucking Boyfriend???'"



Fail.