Monday, November 9, 2009
1 hour ago
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Monday, October 26, 2009
No Surprise
When my youngest sister's, Junkie Boyfriend got out of jail, she gave him a key to her new apartment, with a keychain that reads "Welcome Home."
Now that he's back in Jail, he doesn't need it anymore. Nor does he need any of the other stuff on The Table.
Now that he's back in Jail, he doesn't need it anymore. Nor does he need any of the other stuff on The Table.
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Sausage Fest
Check out the CIA world Fact Book.
USA
Sex ratio:
total population: 0.97 male(s)/female (2009 est.)
Oh sweet, more girls than guys.
65 years and over: 0.75 male(s)/female
Oh snap, it's all old women!
under 15 years: 1.04 male(s)/female
Life Expectancy
Men: 75.64 years.
That's up! By 3.45 years.
Women: 80.69 years.
That's up too, but only by like... 9 months.
People over the age of 65 make up 12.8% of the population(20.2% under age 15). That means that if everyone was forced to couple up, 248,227 young men would be forced to hook up with whithered old women over the age of 75.
And of course, 8.6 Million women would have to wander around with no chance of ever finding a man. (but keep in mind, they're like... hella old.)
USA
Population
307,212,123
Sex ratio:
total population: 0.97 male(s)/female (2009 est.)
Oh sweet, more girls than guys.
65 years and over: 0.75 male(s)/female
Oh snap, it's all old women!
under 15 years: 1.04 male(s)/female
Life Expectancy
Men: 75.64 years.
That's up! By 3.45 years.
Women: 80.69 years.
That's up too, but only by like... 9 months.
People over the age of 65 make up 12.8% of the population(20.2% under age 15). That means that if everyone was forced to couple up, 248,227 young men would be forced to hook up with whithered old women over the age of 75.
And of course, 8.6 Million women would have to wander around with no chance of ever finding a man. (but keep in mind, they're like... hella old.)
Jail Names
I fully invite you to play around with Arizona's Prison Inmate Database.
You can look an inmate up by their ALIAS!!!
I always thought that a prison Alias was somewhat an honorary title, but the data I've collected is leaning towards the contrary.
First off, if your Alias is something revolving around Money (or Dollaz), it's a 6:7 ratio that you'll have more than one Alias.
However, guys named Killer (et al.) are likely to stick with their Alias, yet only 10% of those guys actually earn the name (as opposed to the 53% of Money guys).
And as far as I'm concerned, out of the many pages of guys called "Monster," these are the only two guys who earned it.
Catfish murdered a wal-mart exec.
And if you've always wondered if you'd be able to fight off a jail rape, then size up the list I've compiled of all the Bubba's currently incarcerated in the State of Arizona.
Based on my intuition, I've delineated the more gentler looking Bubba's to the right hand side.
You can look an inmate up by their ALIAS!!!
I always thought that a prison Alias was somewhat an honorary title, but the data I've collected is leaning towards the contrary.
First off, if your Alias is something revolving around Money (or Dollaz), it's a 6:7 ratio that you'll have more than one Alias.
However, guys named Killer (et al.) are likely to stick with their Alias, yet only 10% of those guys actually earn the name (as opposed to the 53% of Money guys).
And as far as I'm concerned, out of the many pages of guys called "Monster," these are the only two guys who earned it.
Catfish murdered a wal-mart exec.
And if you've always wondered if you'd be able to fight off a jail rape, then size up the list I've compiled of all the Bubba's currently incarcerated in the State of Arizona.
Based on my intuition, I've delineated the more gentler looking Bubba's to the right hand side.
Monday, October 12, 2009
Huff
Here are two of the three==> Homeless people that are burning trash in the fire place!
She's wearing my youngest sister's clothes... "all the way down to the panties."
(it's in quotes because - of course - I had to hear that. I didn't like... know.)
The kid in her lap is pretty much harmless. And, I'll have you know, there's now a rule in place which prohibits his parents from putting their hands over his mouth when he cries.
The third in their little nomadic family
got smashed in the face with a laptop computer.
The bullshitting with the neighbor's turned into Shit Talking and suddenly a bunch of drunk people in their early 20's were brawling in the parking lot.
It was the neighbor's own laptop, which is so fucking stupid, the cops probably didn't believe it (when the whole force showed up on the scene).
It's sort of ingenious when you think about it. If you smash your own, very expensive, laptop over a guys face you could just say "No I didn't," and the cops will arrest the guy you assaulted.
Which is what happened.
Which is why that baby is with his grandma and his parents both went to jail last night.
She's wearing my youngest sister's clothes... "all the way down to the panties."
(it's in quotes because - of course - I had to hear that. I didn't like... know.)
The kid in her lap is pretty much harmless. And, I'll have you know, there's now a rule in place which prohibits his parents from putting their hands over his mouth when he cries.
The third in their little nomadic family
got smashed in the face with a laptop computer.
The bullshitting with the neighbor's turned into Shit Talking and suddenly a bunch of drunk people in their early 20's were brawling in the parking lot.
It was the neighbor's own laptop, which is so fucking stupid, the cops probably didn't believe it (when the whole force showed up on the scene).
It's sort of ingenious when you think about it. If you smash your own, very expensive, laptop over a guys face you could just say "No I didn't," and the cops will arrest the guy you assaulted.
Which is what happened.
Which is why that baby is with his grandma and his parents both went to jail last night.
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Ladies Room
I walked into a restroom the other day, looking for a clean stall. One after another, I kept finding nasty things behind each door. If it wasn't murky and in need of a flush, it had toilet paper strewn about, or water on the seat.
I'm not an emergency type of restroom guy. I was restroom phobic in highschool, so I can relate with those who skip lunch because they have to leave work and go home to cure a stomach ache. But these days, I demand that I be able to evacuate whenever, and where-ever I want.
This is one of the reasons why I love (more like appreciate) having a starbucks on every corner.
Anyhow, being that there was no real urgency in my visit to this dirty restroom, I decided I'd wait till after lunch to take a shit.
Upon my exit, I realized I had walked into the women's room. And had it not been so gross, I would have probably taken a shit in there, and encountered some old lady, and been chased out of the restaurant.
I have mixed feelings over this small stroke of luck.
I'm not an emergency type of restroom guy. I was restroom phobic in highschool, so I can relate with those who skip lunch because they have to leave work and go home to cure a stomach ache. But these days, I demand that I be able to evacuate whenever, and where-ever I want.
This is one of the reasons why I love (more like appreciate) having a starbucks on every corner.
Anyhow, being that there was no real urgency in my visit to this dirty restroom, I decided I'd wait till after lunch to take a shit.
Upon my exit, I realized I had walked into the women's room. And had it not been so gross, I would have probably taken a shit in there, and encountered some old lady, and been chased out of the restaurant.
I have mixed feelings over this small stroke of luck.
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
They're Back in Town plus one
`
This is Cheddar
He has Fleas and Pees blood.
He's staying with my Sister so that my youngest sister can have maintenance come by her apartment.
What's more is that he's not even my youngest sister's cat! He's crashing at her apartment while his owner (who is couch surfing with her baby) stays with friends who don't allow cats.
And even more retarded: My youngest sister also lives in a place that does not allow cats.
Cheddar used to stay in an apartment that allowed cats, but the people who lived there got fleas. So their cat and Cheddar both got smashed hard with flea treatments until they both started peeing blood.
Once both the cats started to pee blood, they decided to take their cat to the vet... and they told Cheddar to hit the road.
So now he lives with my youngest sister, who took him to the vet - but tonight - he's hiding out at my other sister's house, so maintenance doesn't find out about him.
Obviously when maintenance walks into my youngest sister's apartment, the house is going to stink so bad, he'll write her up for something.
Trust me, there are lots of different things that the maintenance guy is going to smell.
First of all, this guy- click here Whom, this weekend, my dad bailed out of jail.
On the grounds that he delete all the "other bitches," (who aren't my sister) out of his iphone (which my dad hooked up) and also cut his dreadlocks off (which he didn't cuz my sister told him not to.)
Then if not the cat stink that comes with a cat who pees blood, then the maintenance guy will definitely smell the odors of the...
Homeless people that are burning trash in the fire place!
(I shit you not, every word in that sentence is true.)
A 20 year old mooch, her 23 year old ex con "husband," and their 18 year old baby are now crashing on pillows in the living room while happily unemployed.
The baby was 7 months in gestation the last time they "lived," at my youngest sister's place. They ended up leaving town, after never paying rent and now they're back with the baby, who's surprisingly much heavier than we thought it'd be (because - you know... glug glug glug, puff puff puff).
And it's not like they're hard-case homeless people, who went feral on the streets and are instinctively burning trash for warmth, they're just sloppy, trashy fuckers who are too lazy to take trash to the dumpsters. But they fucking drink behind the dumpsters because Dreadlocks is in recovery and the house has rules.
Oh, and I guess that a drug free household only applies to certain drugs because they went ahead and used my youngest sister's kitchen to make Mushroom Fudge.
According to my sister, they didn't mince the shrooms at all, so it looks sorta like this.
I told my youngest sister the same thing I told her last time they moved into her apartment.
"You know they're not gonna pay rent, right?"
But she assured me that this time around, they were getting state benefits for having a baby, so they'd be able to kick down rent. So now they're welcome guests who can break BOTH the dishwasher (clogged with food) and the Washer (tilted from being too full) which is why maintenance is coming.
While maintenance is over, the "homeless" people have to stay with moochy's mom. (Whom they should be staying with anyway - but it's a pride thing - as evident by moochy's famous line "Fuck you mom, don't talk to me like that, I'm Pregnant! I'm a grown ass bitch now!")
Unfortunately, the benefits thing isn't working out. Who would have thought that when you leave Arizona, that Arizona would stop paying for your rent and your kid's daycare?
Not that they needed daycare. They didn't have fucking jobs! Seriously they just took their kid to daycare for 8 hours a day while they chilled at home and lamented over having a child.
From what I've heard, state subsidized daycare was the only parenting that this 18 month old was getting.
Seriously, these are (all of) his toys:
(hopefully they'll wash this after they end up needing to use it)
(I'm pretty sure they'll never "need" this)
(It's a rattle)
This is Cheddar
He has Fleas and Pees blood.
He's staying with my Sister so that my youngest sister can have maintenance come by her apartment.
What's more is that he's not even my youngest sister's cat! He's crashing at her apartment while his owner (who is couch surfing with her baby) stays with friends who don't allow cats.
And even more retarded: My youngest sister also lives in a place that does not allow cats.
Cheddar used to stay in an apartment that allowed cats, but the people who lived there got fleas. So their cat and Cheddar both got smashed hard with flea treatments until they both started peeing blood.
Once both the cats started to pee blood, they decided to take their cat to the vet... and they told Cheddar to hit the road.
So now he lives with my youngest sister, who took him to the vet - but tonight - he's hiding out at my other sister's house, so maintenance doesn't find out about him.
Obviously when maintenance walks into my youngest sister's apartment, the house is going to stink so bad, he'll write her up for something.
Trust me, there are lots of different things that the maintenance guy is going to smell.
First of all, this guy- click here Whom, this weekend, my dad bailed out of jail.
On the grounds that he delete all the "other bitches," (who aren't my sister) out of his iphone (which my dad hooked up) and also cut his dreadlocks off (which he didn't cuz my sister told him not to.)
Then if not the cat stink that comes with a cat who pees blood, then the maintenance guy will definitely smell the odors of the...
Homeless people that are burning trash in the fire place!
(I shit you not, every word in that sentence is true.)
A 20 year old mooch, her 23 year old ex con "husband," and their 18 year old baby are now crashing on pillows in the living room while happily unemployed.
The baby was 7 months in gestation the last time they "lived," at my youngest sister's place. They ended up leaving town, after never paying rent and now they're back with the baby, who's surprisingly much heavier than we thought it'd be (because - you know... glug glug glug, puff puff puff).
And it's not like they're hard-case homeless people, who went feral on the streets and are instinctively burning trash for warmth, they're just sloppy, trashy fuckers who are too lazy to take trash to the dumpsters. But they fucking drink behind the dumpsters because Dreadlocks is in recovery and the house has rules.
Oh, and I guess that a drug free household only applies to certain drugs because they went ahead and used my youngest sister's kitchen to make Mushroom Fudge.
According to my sister, they didn't mince the shrooms at all, so it looks sorta like this.
I told my youngest sister the same thing I told her last time they moved into her apartment.
"You know they're not gonna pay rent, right?"
But she assured me that this time around, they were getting state benefits for having a baby, so they'd be able to kick down rent. So now they're welcome guests who can break BOTH the dishwasher (clogged with food) and the Washer (tilted from being too full) which is why maintenance is coming.
While maintenance is over, the "homeless" people have to stay with moochy's mom. (Whom they should be staying with anyway - but it's a pride thing - as evident by moochy's famous line "Fuck you mom, don't talk to me like that, I'm Pregnant! I'm a grown ass bitch now!")
Unfortunately, the benefits thing isn't working out. Who would have thought that when you leave Arizona, that Arizona would stop paying for your rent and your kid's daycare?
Not that they needed daycare. They didn't have fucking jobs! Seriously they just took their kid to daycare for 8 hours a day while they chilled at home and lamented over having a child.
From what I've heard, state subsidized daycare was the only parenting that this 18 month old was getting.
Seriously, these are (all of) his toys:
(hopefully they'll wash this after they end up needing to use it)
(I'm pretty sure they'll never "need" this)
(It's a rattle)
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