Halloween(s)

For Halloween I used the same costume I used last year.






"Guy in a cloak."




For holiday haters, it's the perfect costume. I can wear my street clothes, but still look halloweeny in party pics which keeps the host off my shit!



The party I went to on Halloween night was exactly what I expected from my Tacoma crew down at Salmon Beach. I drank, smoked cigarettes, got all profound and left.


On my way up I-5 I called my buddy who lives out in the Sticks.
He told me that the party was just starting.









That was a lie and it turned out to be just he and I at The Ranch.










The man was shit faced and had no sense of balance (it's a tall guy thing). He handed me his phone and had me drunk dial every girl's number he had stored in his phone. Nothing came of that and then he told me he lost his keys. While retracing our steps he passed out in the passenger seat of my car. That's when I decided I should coax him into breaking into his house so I could bounce out of there.
Luckily his stupid fucking keys were mere feet from his front door.
I took a shot of his mom's Schnapps so I wouldn't get the clanks and then headed home to bed.


The next night I went to a party hosted by Horia.






Before I stepped inside, I made sure to put on my cloak.





Horia gets shit, so he appreciated my cloak.






Horia doesn't drink, but he gets shit, so towards the end of the night I ended up shit faced.

Not wanting to wait in line for the bathroom I figured I'd pee outside under the guise of chivalry. Outside where the ash trays were, I was preoccupied with trying to look Not partied-out and I paid little attention to Horia and the others.

Horia gets shit, so when he saw me he sort of chuckled. Standing casually with his hands behind his head, he smirked and told me to go back inside.





"Sure," I replied. "But first I'm gonna pee in the bushes."

"Go back inside," said someone else.

"I will! But first I'm going to pee in the bushes."

Then some prick shines a flashlight in my face and says "Sir, maybe you didn't hear me- Go Back Inside!"

"Oh! Oh. ... understood." and I grooved back inside.

See Horia was submitting to the police at that moment. And he was loving it because:

1. he wasn't drinking

and 2. Horia gets shit.

See, Horia makes video games

and draws grenades

and knows the difference

between MP5's

and M3's

and he was gitty over the fact that:
One of his buddies who's in the Army decided that his costume would be an Authentic Army guy complete with (fully licensed) heavy arms and tactical gear.

When he showed up, he parked his car, popped his trunk and started strapping ammo belts across his chest, slinging holsters, and checking the chambers of his weaponry. A neighbor watched him do this.

Noticing the neighbor he trotted up to the neighbor's door, hardware jangling,

hollering "It's just a costume, it's just a costume!"
Locking the door, the neighbor retreated to the second floor.

"Sir... Sir- it's just a costume," he yelled as the neighbor stared down at him from the window.

So what I didn't know until the next day, was that the cops who were there weren't your routine party patrol

BUT A fully equipped Tactical Unit




and I was the punch line, because when I came out acting a drunken boob, the swat team realized it was a costume party, which sorta took the air out of their sails.

And, according to Horia, as I turned to head back inside, I got all up in the space of a squad member who was hiding in the rhododendrons and much to the young officer’s chagrin, I actually imposed upon his rifle, forcing the muzzle of the gun to point towards the ground.

pwned!