Tricks of the Trade

My baby sister told me how she learned at her pole dancing class that the classical Ass Slap is a sneaky way to wipe the sweat off your hand so you don't slip off the pole.

I guess it takes a lot of strength to be able to pole dance, which is why lots and lots of girls are taking it up.





What the fuck ever happened to riveting?

"Are you googling 'Stupid, Fucking Boyfriend???'"

Thanks to my generous friend Nick, this is me wearing a partially-inflated, Airline, Life Vest.






Ignoring the "OR" in the image below-





This is me OVER INFLATING an Airline Life preserver.






This is the childhood epiphany that your head is fucking stuck in the back of a chair or inside a staircase hand rail.






This is the power of Co2






And this is the death collar from the movie Saw III





So while my girlfriend and I were in a frenzy to figure out how to SAFELY remove the rigid, creaking, ice-cold, time bomb- from around my neck,
This is what I squealed (while on my knees)-

"Are you Googling 'Stupid Fucking Boyfriend???'"



Fail.

Hops

All dressed up for Mike's wedding, we stood infront of the church so that the photographer could take advantage of the silver-sky light and snap a few "Calvin Kline" shots. (bullshit)




Then some girly voice giggled "Lets get one of us all Jumping!!!!!"


And I was like "... ... Really?"






And then I decided to follow the crowd.







Nice hops fancy pants.