Idea for the Gulf Coast Oil Spill

People with names like Kenneth Montana belong to commissions dealing with tourism around the Gulf Coast. They're shitting their pants right now because the Deep Horizon Oil Spill is going to decimate the tourism sector in that region.

Someone should tell someone to tell something like FEMA to raise an army of volunteers across the nation, fund their transport, set up some tents and have a huge beach party/ relief effort where patriots and burners can go make and spend a little money in these twilight tourist communities.

Put me in charge and I'll work out the details, but for the time being, here's what I've whipped up.









We pay Mexico between $74 and $84 per barrel of crude.

Each volunteer should get paid $70 (tax free) for each salvaged barrel of crude, and BP should cut the checks. They have to clean it up anyway, and if the shit is out their too long, it'll end up worthless, so we might as well get to work scooping it up.

I know that scooping oil into a barrel might only yield $140 a day, but I'm sure that after 2 days, the weekend ruff necks will be improvising better, faster methods of filling those barrels. Plus, free FEMA accommodations and $140 a day is way better than being hella unemployed. Think of it as fishing only every time you cast, you catch something.

Seriously though, why not?

This picture is losing it's momentum.

Picture Review

If having to settle for a pulled pork sandwich isn't a big enough disappointment when you're eating out, Red Hook Brewery will double your disappointment when you actually get to see what you're spending $11 on.




This fucker is reading while driving.




Me looking thinner than usual in my late 20's.





This is a Japanese ring featuring a massive pearl.




This is how much a candy bar is supposed to cost.




This is me at my heaviest, around age 20.




This was once "the swimming hole."




This is a board game for Lord of the Rings.




This is litter left on a hiking trail by some prick who eats organic produce.