Thursday, February 17, 2011

Pop Goes The Ego










Okay fuckers, this is the pic on my dating profile:



Yes, it's from 2007.




The way I roll on internet dating sites is I keep my profile hidden. That keeps my face from being associated with the other douche bags online. If you've never been on a dating site, you should really take note. Girls get TONS of mail from douche bags. Girls don't usually write back to douche bags. A large percentage of douche bags get frustrated and start sending butt hurt emails.


So basically, girls log into dating sites. They find themselves in a sea of douche bags, they read douchey, butt hurt messages which call them "stuck up," and "vapid." Then they click on your profile and go "This guy must also be a douche bag."


Fair enough.


I keep my shit hidden so that doesn't happen to me.


When I see a girl I like, I send a simple " ;) " and that's all.


Sure you can read a girl's profile. Sure, you can write some bullshit to make a girl think you're awesome. But, why waste the effort if they're not gonna write back?


I just send a simple winky-face, and 1 in 8 girls write back.




Here's a girl who responded to my winky-face.


Her name is Siobhan (pronounced: Sheh-Von)






Certainly no divergence between the two pictures. (PFFFFT)


I talk her into going out with me.


She was super hesitant to give me her phone number, but I finally got a text at work:


Girl:


Hey 6 at trudys tonight?



Me:



Yup. :)
Do you get picture text?



Girl:


Yes



Me:



Hi Siobhan!

Grainy but current. :)



Girl:


You dnt look like person in profile



Me:


Never heard that before.



Girl:


Maybe cause its a profile and not head on shot. But from that picture im not interested. Which sounds mean but its true and i dnt wanna have you drive down here for nothing.



Me:


no that's not mean. I was just shooting you the pic so you could see what I was wearing so you'd know me when I walked in. You want a better pic we'll take a couple where I'm smiling. don't fret over a rushed snap shot from the men's room. trust me.



Girl:


Sorry. I wont be showing up tonight



Me:


Jesus.



Me (half hour later):


Don't feel bad. it's perfectly in bounds to be skittish in the context of first dates. :) it's alright if you need to cancel.



Girl:


I need to cancel.



Me:


Yeah, we covered that, lol.



Girl:


Oh okay just making sure aren't making the trip for nothing.



Me:


I meant don't feel bad for cancelling.



Girl:


Alright.





Me (1 hour later):











Girl:


Um...



Me:



Haha
Based on my experience, that writing on the wall is nothing short of true. ;)

Me:


I'm not gonna push the meeting up thing, I'm already home. But ou should poor yourself a glass of wine and we'll chat on the phone. :)



Girl:


Oh really? Okay



Me:


Do you want me to call you now, or wait until 6 as planned?



Girl:


What? Why would you call?



Me:


You just said okay, to the phone proposal. check your texts. ;)



Girl:


I didn't see that msg



Me:


Yeah well how are you feelin' it?



Girl:


I'm not much of a talker... esp on the phone.



Girl:


[silent treatment]



MFWTF?